This one is philosophical… I am forewarning you.

This is about introversion, bursting and renewal. In each word, there are Ironman thoughts weaved in. It is subtile. Have a coffee before you read on!

I have just recently moved to the state of Pennsylvania and for the past 9 months, I was fascinated with a particular tree. I immediately latched on to those trees as they reminded me of the beautiful magnolias of my California backyard. The leaves are round and plump. I love everything green, especially in the Winter.

A bulb?

It was the end of the Summer so I definitely thought that I was going to see what the mystery was sooner rather than later. But nothing…

I dislike leave-less trees and most of all, I dislike the naked Winter branches. It is not sexy to me. Not at all. As a Canadian girl, I was intrigued. The leaves survived Winter? There was snow and it was not dead? It was still lushy? What were those trees?

Then for 9 months, I looked at the firm closed bulb every day and it became part of my expectation from those trees. A lot of bulbs. Maybe my trees forgot to bloom and my bulbs are“broken”, I often thought.

Strangely, all along, I felt the same. With me, it is all in. I keep thinking it will burst out one day but it never does. In my wild mind it does, but not in reality.

Then, precisely nine months later, I walk out of my home after a thunder-stormy night, there they were!!!! HUGE pink flowers!

The trees are called rhododendron. They are somewhat simple and the flowers are huge! That morning, I was so happy to finally see they had “bursted” into beautiful happy flowers.

I ran.

Then I started thinking (some say I over-think)!

I started thinking about the bulbs. Are they simply introvert creatures? They bursted open. Do they (nature) think that it is beautiful or simply an affirmation of “I am DONE”to burst? Then, to die? Now, is it really dead when it falls or at the bursting moment / event? Who are we to decide that… Maybe it is one last glorious moment before that “thing”disappear. Nature is able to let go so easily and grow from that. Why are we latching on to our anger/past/mistakes? Holding on to anger is drinking the poison and expecting someone else to die. Really.

This is our usual perception. The beautiful-ness of the flowers, should it not be the same with us? I have never heard of someone thinking they will burst into a beautiful thing. It is often a sentence heard when referring to a negative state.

The introverted bulb spend all these months growing from the inside to burst into beautiful flowers but was the living done while the bulbs were growing delicately and precisely? The bursting, is it the last moment of glory? Most importantly, are thing really dying afterwards because it seems to have made the tree bigger and new leaves are appearing.

As I am training for Ironman Arizona 2012, I see speed bumps the same way. Every challenge to get to the start line will be overcome and rewarded by multiplied renewal.

Bursting is good and necessary to grow. That is my conclusion. It is renewed energy. A bigger tree with more bulbs parallels the fact that when we are small, we are bursting proportionally to our experience and journey. The more we live and grow, the more bulbs and bursting we must do to renew internally. It makes sense to me.

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